Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Daydream Believers and Horse World Reality


Fall is here. Hay is short; folks are tense as they wonder how fragile their employment situation might be. The horses are still horses.

I took my concerns about horse buyers and bad decisions and mortgages and high gas prices to my support group in the lower pasture field. Sometimes it's best to get the answers straight from the horses' mouths.

JMF: I suppose you guys have heard about the jobs market being down and the stock market being down and the local market being, well, about the same. Give me your thoughts about the impending shortages.

ZIP: Shortage? Carrots? Not carrots! Tell me it's not carrots.

JMF: No, I'm pretty sure we can still get carrots. I'm more concerned about the shortages in other areas, like credit shortages and the problems folks are having getting mortgages.

ZIP: We got carrots? We got dinner?

JMF: Uh, well . . . yeah. We have those things, but what about--

ZIP: [walking away] You guys talk to her. She's not making sense to me.

LEO: You did say we had carrots, right? And dinner?

JMF: Yeah, but--

LEO: You think too much. Can I have that soda?

JMF: [hiding soda can] What about the horses who don't live here? What about your friends at other barns where they don't have enough hay? What about all the little horses who are going hungry? Don't you care about them?

DAKOTA: [ears perked] Little horses? Not more little horses! I don't like little horses. Can I have that soda?

JMF: [sighing] No, no soda. C'mon guys! I want to hear what horses think of the crisis humans are suffering. You're so close to Nature, you must have something meaningful to say that I can pass on to our readers.

LEO: Crisis? You want to know about crisis? I'll tell you about crisis! Crisis is when I can't get that damned little horse out of my way so I can get to my bucket. Now that's a crisis!

ZIP: [faint voice from the back of the pasture where he's got Pinky cornered] We've got carrots. We've got dinner. We've got water. Why should we care? Seriously. You are really boring. Go get a halter and I'll show you a crisis. Want to see what I can do with a shoulder-in cue? HA!

JMF: What if I told you we couldn't go to any shows this year? What if I said you'd be stuck standing around eating all winter because I can't afford to haul anyone anywhere? Huh? What about that?

HERD: [muttering] Did you hear something?

Nah, just the wind.

Shows? Do any of you guys want to go to shows?

Shhhhh! If you just keep eating and don't make eye contact, she'll go away.

Anyone see where she put the soda?

JMF: Alrighty then. We'll just see how funny you think it is when you don't get to wear your fancy new saddle until spring.

LEO: Speaking of which, where in the hell did you find a saddle that weighs more than I do? Are you serious with that thing? It's a joke. Guys, she thinks I'm going to cry because I don't get to carry her cheese butt and the saddle from hell. Someone get the camera. This belongs on YouTube!

So it goes. I suppose I shouldn't have expected a mature response from a bunch of men. Next time I'll get Pokey alone for a little girl talk and find out what she-- Hey! Who took my soda? Pokey, bring that back here!

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