Let the Hate Games begin! But first, a word from the FBI:
F
|
or the
longest time, I thought Facebook was alone in being a hater magnet. The volume and vapidity of the hate that
throbs on its pages is definitely not for the weak of spirit. It takes a tough hide to slide past what
total strangers are saying about you, each other, and anyone and anything else that
can possibly be a target…or does it?
Throttle down your engines a smidge by asking yourself why you care.
In the interest of research, I tried a
few other social networking sites. You
don’t need to think very hard to guess what I found. Discussion groups diminished in size on every site until
they included only the handful of head-nodders who agreed with the original
poster’s original stand on the original factoid under discussion. I was run off one discussion forum (ah, the vitriol would have burned my hide in the real world!) for
suggesting that helping each other out without expecting payback was an okay
thing to do. It was a discussion on
mentoring on a board for professionals.
Uh…
I decided to
try to find out what was behind all the anger.
In part, that led to the article linked above. It also led to a quick trip through the DSM V and back to the DSM IV-R which still tags the crazies in ways I remember from grad school so I could find them more easily.
Some of the causation was pretty obvious. Some posters are legitimately peeved about having been personally damaged by another party, and they chose the Interwebs as a place to share their upset with the world. In bygone days, all of that would have taken place on the party line or over the back fence, and we would have called it “gossip”. Miss Lucy found out her gardener was cutting roses in someone else’s yard? Oh, my! Say it isn’t so…but give me a minute to spread it around first. Most of the posts of that type are unintelligible to anyone who wasn't there when the dog got kicked, the reputation got besmirched, or the boyfriend strayed.
Some of the causation was pretty obvious. Some posters are legitimately peeved about having been personally damaged by another party, and they chose the Interwebs as a place to share their upset with the world. In bygone days, all of that would have taken place on the party line or over the back fence, and we would have called it “gossip”. Miss Lucy found out her gardener was cutting roses in someone else’s yard? Oh, my! Say it isn’t so…but give me a minute to spread it around first. Most of the posts of that type are unintelligible to anyone who wasn't there when the dog got kicked, the reputation got besmirched, or the boyfriend strayed.
Others
showed the standard hate reaction that is based, as much strong emotion is, in
fear. Xenophobia isn’t just for space
aliens, you know. As a species, we
learned early on that being too open to contact with strangers could cost us
dearly. Our caves, our dead animal
carcass, our mate, our offspring, and our best hunk of rock tied to a stick
could all be gone in a heartbeat. And we
could be dead, to boot! So arose secret
passwords and t-shirts with team logos on them.
It’s ironic,
isn’t it, that many of the animals we have domesticated and chosen as food were
able to get past that fear reaction within their own species without turning to
the forest version of the Internet? No
haters there; just critters trying to get through their days, and we're eating them. Irony?
But, I
digress.
Some of the
hate comes from psycho-social developmental issues. There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned
Narcissistic Personality Disorder to spice up a discussion on anything
requiring value judgments. Narcissists
are always—always—right. The rest of us are just too stupid to
notice. The Passive-Aggressives befuddle
and then withdraw, luring their prey into screwing with their own heads. When you read a comment in which the author seems to be arguing with himself, you can bet the fine hand of a P-A type is behind it. The Paranoids are sure everyone out there is
hanging on their every word and they hate that even more than they hate
whatever conspiracy theory is being discussed.
The file
linked at the top of this post is really interesting. First, it’s interesting
in that it’s the FBI’s take on the types of haters out there and how to deal
with them. That part should help you act less impaired when someone with the blue jacket with "FBI" emblazoned on the back is eying you up. Second, it’s interesting in
its descriptions of those folks. You
really should read it. You might be in
there somewhere, and it will only heighten your next paranoid-passive-aggressive-narcissistic-psychotic
episode if you don’t check right now to see.
There you
have it; Haters in a nutshell (appropriate, yes?). Everyone hates someone. It’s de
rigueur to hate the government and all employees thereof. Next
come people from other countries (who doesn’t hate them some good ol’ Chinese
on a Friday night?), followed closely by those with different religious
affiliations. Parochial Schoolers hate
Public Schoolers who hate Home Schoolers who hate dropouts. Dressage riders don’t seem to hate very many
people, but who can work up a good snit when you’re dressed like the guy on the
cover of The New Yorker? Show riders and trail riders butt heads. English vs. Western, breed aficionados squaring
off with whips drawn, rescuers vs people who don't want their horses anymore….
It goes on
and on.
My advice on
all of this is 1) don’t hate something if you can simply avoid it instead, and 2) if you have to hate,
don’t hate another hater; hate the act of blanket,
knee-jerk hating. Be
specific. Know what it is you hate and
why. I know exactly why I hate
tripe. Can you say that about the things
that raise your blood pressure?
Spend your
time in productive efforts to undo some of the anger around you. It’s possible (really, it is) to explain to
someone where their facts are faulty without actually punching them physically
or verbally. Documentation (that’s legitimate documentation without any wiki
anywhere to be found) is readily available and tends to make conversations take
on an air of intelligence. The fine art
of discussion seems to have morphed into one big computer role-playing
game. If whatever you’re busy hating isn’t
actually causing you damage, then why are you expending all that energy on
it? Are you making a difference or just
trotting out your monkey brain for a quick tour of the area? Why not just take a break and go outside?
Oh, wait. That will just give you time to hate the weather, the neighbors, the way the lawn is turning brown, the faces your horse is making at you.... Never mind.
Oh, wait. That will just give you time to hate the weather, the neighbors, the way the lawn is turning brown, the faces your horse is making at you.... Never mind.
We’ll never
all get along, but we can certainly do a better job of simply being human than
we’re doing right now. I'd like to suggest we get
on that.
1 comment:
Funny, I was just on FB this morning for a very short period of time and found myself pretty burned out on all the blah blah blah.
I like the way you think! :)
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